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“The Annoying Music Show’s The Annoying Music Show Holiday CD!”

By admin_mike In

The Annoying Music Show’s The Annoying Music Show Holiday CD!, released 2000 by The Annoying Music Show Records

1) Tiny Tim – O Holy Night
2) Barry Tiffon – A Candy Bar for Elvis
3) John ‘Bowtie’ Barstow – Do You See What I See?
4) Jamie Glaser – Disco Columbus
5) Petty Booka – Material Girl
6) Randy Roberts – The Pilgrim/Thanksgiving Song
7) John ‘Bowtie’ Barstow – Jingle Bells
8) Gefilte Joe & The Fish – Hanukkah Rocks
9) Larry Hagman – Good Luck Charm
10) Rod Terri – God Bless Richard Nixon
11) Dan Blocker – Deck the Halls
12) Lucia Pamela – In the Year 2000!
13) Clark Bell – Tribute to String
14) Bette Davis – On Old Broadway
15) Jeff St. Pierre – Rubber Band Christmas
16) Larry Nestor – Santa Doesn’t Smoke Anymore
17) Carol Hensel – Exercise to John Lennon
18) Templeton Twins – MacArthur Park
19) Singin’ Sisters of Syracuse – Harvest Moon
20) Anthony Quinn – What is Love?
21) John ‘Bowtie’ Barstow – Silent Night
22) Killdozer – One Tin Soldier
??? – ???

This was a “gift” from a “friend”. As if I needed more proof I am surrounded by people who hate me.

The Annoying Music Show presents, well, just that. Thank you, public radio. Thank you.

1) Oh Holy Night – Tiny Tim

How did a hideous man who sang in a warbly falsetto and played the ukelele have a career?

2) Barry Tiffon – A Candy Bar for Elvis

Elvis once asked this man to buy candy bars for him. It was a pivotal moment in his (Barry’s, not Elvis’s) life. He wants to tell you about it.

3) John ‘Bowtie’ Barstow – Do You See What I See?

Imagine that you are a lounge singer/crooner. Imagine that you have suddenly been struck deaf. Imagine that you bravely continue singing nevertheless. You are John ‘Bowtie’ Barstow.

4) Jamie Glaser – Disco Columbus

Not only is this a cheesy disco song about Columbus, it’s kind of offensive. Then again, nothing is officially discovered until a white man notices it, so I guess they have a point.

5) Petty Booka – Material Girl

I actually really like this track – it’s a Japanese bluegrass cover of “Material Girl”, and features actual musicians with chops. And Japanese people trying to sing in English always has nonzero entertainment value.

6) Randy Roberts – The Pilgrim/Thanksgiving Song

The strangest part of this is that it uses the same tune as Yankee Doodle Dandy. Huh?

7) John ‘Bowtie’ Barstow – Jingle Bells

Oh God no.

8) Gefilte Joe & The Fish – Hanukkah Rocks

This is a strange, U2-like ballad sung by a fellow with an overly pronounced Hasidic accent. But now I know that Hannukah comes but once a year; and when it does, I know it’s here.

9) Larry Hagman – Good Luck Charm

This is a pretty mild one, all things considered; and it’s a story about a damnfool soldier sent to the Alamo who touts the power of his damnfool good luck charm, only to get his damnfool head blown off, so it’s not without value. Apparently, Larry Hagman played J. R. Ewing.

10) Rod Terri – God Bless Richard Nixon

“God, in His infinite wisdom, put Richard Nixon on this earth /
to bring us his heritage, one of priceless worth.
A courageous leader, and a blessed man /
Surely, in God’s plan.”

11) Dan Blocker – Deck the Halls

Whatever.

12) Lucia Pamela – In the Year 2000!

We are, actually, living on the moon. We only believe we’re still on Earth because of a CIA PsyOp.

13) Clark Bell – Tribute to String

Because I very badly needed a small boy to sing to me about what my life would be without if there were no string.

14) Bette Davis – On Old Broadway

Oh Sweet Jesus she can’t sing make her stop please

15) Jeff St. Pierre – Rubber Band Christmas

Neat concept — a rubber band orchestra playing Christmas tunes. It would actually be cool if they could play in tune.

16) Larry Nestor – Santa Doesn’t Smoke Anymore

Festive and educational. What could be better?

17) Carol Hensel – Exercise to John Lennon

At first glance, it’s not entirely clear what “Exercise to John Lennon” means. Let me explain.

Pick a random John Lennon tune. Now superimpose an aerobics instructor directing your daily exercise routine:

“Imagine there’s no Heaven (and right, and left, and turn, and turn) /
It’s easy if you try (and lift and step and lift)”

18) Templeton Twins – MacArthur Park

This is another track I genuinely enjoy. It’s a ’20s-style vaudeville arrangement – I always imagine the two male singers in boaters and wielding canes – of one of the worst popular songs in the history of the Milky Way Galaxy, and it actually makes it kinda neat.

19) Singin’ Sisters of Syracuse – Harvest Moon

A chorus of nuns singing is pretty amusing. A chorus of nuns suddenly pulling out kazoos is pretty fucking awesome, so I’ve got nothing against this track.

20) Anthony Quinn – What is Love?

Spoken-word pieces over soupy instrumental backgrounds already start out with a big penalty; it takes talent to make a specific one demonstrably worse than any other. Anthony Quinn…has talent.

21) John ‘Bowtie’ Barstow – Silent Night

Actually, if you hate Christmas carols – and yourself – Mr. Barstow is your man.

22) Killdozer – One Tin Soldier

An awesome death-metal interpretation of the classic folk song. The best moment comes when the singer refuses to acknowledge that he can barely sing the verse under normal circumstances, let alone an octave higher.

??? – ???

Some lame ’60s-folk-style song about a moonman sent to Earth to check on us. Kill. Me. Now.